Thoughts on Soulful Parenting: Things I would Do Differently if I Had Been More Conscious

"How to Raise a Conscious Child" was the title of a book or some kind of seminar that came to my inbox from one of the many spiritual publications I subscribe to. If I read and/or purchased every offering that makes its way to my email inbox I would be standing on a stack of books as tall as the Tower of Babel. As it is, the books currently on my night stand resemble a leggo sized one. There was something about the title of this book that stayed with me, however. I thought to myself: I wish I had run across such a book when my boys were young. It's hard being a parent. It's especially hard being a parent in a society that emphasizes the things ours does, and when so many of us unconsciously buy into all the messages we are bombarded with. The competition and comparison making begins practically from the moment they are born. Sit around with any group of young mothers and their babies and it's all about comparing. The elementary school years are about cramming and excelling. Kids must not only excel at school they must excel at a whole host of other things as well. Weekdays are jam packed with carpools, numerous after school activities such as scouts, sports practices, music lessons, etc. Meals and homework are often relegated to being done in the car, on the fly in between all of this chaotic activity. Enter the high school years where the pressure to be at the top of the heap really intensifies. It's not enough just to get into college. A child's status and a parent's bragging rights are all tied to class position and exactly what kind of university your kid got in to. Everyone knows the code for who the winners and the losers are. All of this endless competition, restless activity, and the cultural emphasis on getting ahead before a child even has formed a sense of himself/herself often leads burnout, not to mention pervasive, chronic, low grade anxiety and depression. It's no wonder moms, dads and kids are all so exhausted. And this says nothing of the backdrop against which all of modern life is unfolding: the high tech, always on, ever connected, instantaneous world of technology. Babies now use iPads for entertainment and grade schoolers have facebook accounts. I'm not one of these "what's this world coming to/let's go back to the old days" kind of folks, but this much I do know: the American way of life is taking a toll on our souls- each and every one of us whether young or old. As a spiritual director I work with adults with a focus on helping them connect with consciousness which is just another way of saying God. God is both Being (Form) and Formlessness (Energy). God is certainly Person, and yet infinitely more- He/She is the matrix, the substrate, the divine alchemy which undergirds and gives life to all living things. Without the Triune God all that is would simply cease to exist. There is a reason why there is presently a resurgence of interest in ancient contemplative practices and the art of spiritual direction: our warp speed hyper connected world has the effect of connecting us with everything except the one thing that really matters: the Ground of our Being. Many people are now waking up to this reality, and for those wishing to create some distance from frenetic modern life, new communities, new ways of being and knowing are emerging. There is a wind gathering strength and speed, and that wind is The Holy Spirit. Her work is the revitalization of the soul, and this sacred work is underway in small pockets and corners all around us today. I wish I had known about consciousness, and contemplative practices, and spiritual formation when I was raising my sons. I would have been a much different sort of mom. But as the old saying goes, you can't give away what you yourself don't have. What I had a decade ago was church and religion, and by no means do I wish to denigrate the importance of these. Church is good as far as it goes. The problem is, it just doesn't go far enough. It doesn't go far enough with either children or adults in helping them to connect with the God who permeates every aspect of our daily lives. Church tends to be about religion, and religion tends to be about doctrine and conformity to it. This is a very different thing than coming to intimately know the God "in whom we move, and breathe, and have our being." That is more experiential than doctrinal. Mostly what church has taught both me and my children is the Bible and doctrine. These are just the finger pointing to the moon, and should not be confused with the moon itself. Sometimes I feel like the church really forgets about the moon. So- if I had a do-over what would I do differently? How would I raise conscious children? First of all, I would place less emphasis on school. Yes- I just wrote that. I would let my sons take the classes they wanted and I would not push college as the only option after high school. I would encourage more creative activity and down time. I would make sure that they had more time and space to read, to write poetry and music, to hike outdoors and to wander and explore. I would travel more with them and expose them to as many natural wonders as I could. I would make sure they experienced many different religions and cultures. I would have mandatory silence daily with no technology and no sounds of any kind in the house- just 30 minutes a day- that's do-able, right? I would teach them to do chores with mindfulness like Brother Lawrence, the Parisian monk who found intimacy with God while chopping vegetables in a monastery kitchen. I would teach them to be present in the sacred now and not to worry about or be anxious for the future. I might still take them to church, but I would also take them the homeless shelter and let them serve and eat dinner with the people there. I would teach them that time spent in solitude in nature is every bit as holy as worshipping in a cathedral. I would tell them that a compassionate stance in the world, not career choice, status, and money, is what matters. Above all, I would teach them to follow their own hearts and souls into the world, and in so doing, they honor the God who gave them life. The good news for me is that despite my bungled efforts, both of my sons have turned out to be rather "road less traveled" sorts anyway. They are both free spirited lovers of art, literature, foreign cultures, and nature. They love travel and the outdoors. They are both compassionate idealists following unconventional paths, and though neither one is religious, I wouldn't describe either of them as without a certain type of spirituality. So I suppose what I am saying is that God is gracious and can overcome a lot of our flaws as parents. Still and all- maybe I'll get the opportunity to put all my new found wisdom into practice if or when God grants me grandchildren. They are going to blessed, upon blessed, upon blessed........ So- Thank you for stopping by and reading my rambling thoughts. If you are a parent, I hope I have given you something to ponder. If you are not a parent, it's never too late to love a child- if not one of your own, then someone else's. Namaste!