Transformational Growth Experiences

Sometimes life hands you things that you would just rather not deal with. I mean let's face it. Who would choose a terminal diagnosis? Bankruptcy? Divorce? A chronic illness? Loss of a child? No one wants to go though such things, and yet they happen every single day. If not to you, then to someone you know and love. Which in some ways can feel like the same thing. It is impossibly hard to watch someone you love struggle. Suffer. Sometimes die. And yet if you live long enough, you are inevitably faced with such difficult lessons. You will experience them yourself, or live thru them with someone you love.



There are lessons to be learned from such situations. As painful as they are, it is possible to arrive on the other side having gained despite the loss. You learn some truths about yourself. And sometimes about others as well. You may discover strengths you never knew you had. And you will see your weaknesses pretty clearly as well. Growth experiences are seldom easy I have learned.....


I think the hardest life lesson is that of learning to accept an outcome you don't like. As a Christian I profess that God is sovereign, yet what I found during Wendy's long journey thru cancer was that I really didn't want to hand that authority over to Him. I wanted what I wanted, which was for her to be well. To stay well. For the cancer not to come back. I didn't get what I wanted. Neither did she. It was really difficult sitting in her oncologist's office that day facing the fact that the cancer would take her life. It was just a matter of how much time was left.


If Wendy felt sorry for herself she didn't stay there very long. She got busy putting on her big girl panties and accepting that she would have to fight for whatever time she could snatch away from the marauding invader that had taken over her body. She was faced with the nearly impossible task of continuing to live, while at the same time, preparing to die. My job as her best friend was to support that struggle. And to try to overcome my own with the spiritual forces threatening a faith, which I discovered, was built on a less solid foundation than I had previously imagined. There were only two possible outcomes for me. Either I would learn to truly rely on God and accept His plan as perfect, even if I couldn't understand it, or I would walk away in bitterness. Fortunately for me, God was busy laying groundwork that would settle this crisis of faith for me. His plan was beyond anything I could ever have imagined, and to this day I am humbled, awed, and sometimes find it nearly impossible to believe the lengths He went to to provide for me during this troubled time in my life. It was because of this grace shown to me that I was able to place my hand in His and follow His lead, holding on tight thru the valley of the shadow of death........


So many people have thanked me for loving and caring for Wendy during the last months of her life. No, it isn't easy to help someone die. But it is a sacred privilege. I promised her I would stay by her side, and I found the strength and courage to keep this promise by keeping my eyes fixed firmly on Him. Left to my own devices, I surely would have faltered. If there is anything remarkable about what I did, the credit belongs elsewhere. It is a reflection not on me, but on the One who loves me, who enables me, who lives in me, whose strength I draw upon. In and of ourselves we are often unable to persevere. But in, Him, through Him, all things are possible. Would I travel this road again with my friend? Yes. Would I have preferred a different outcome? Yes. Would I relinquish any of the lessons I have learned along this arduous pathway? No.  For growth experiences, though often painful, can also be transformational.  If we can learn to "let go and let God",  He will surprise us with grace every time. Shalom!