I've been doing a lot of praying and reflecting lately. Call it my mid-life crisis if you like. At least I am not leaving my spouse, having plastic surgery or taking up sky diving. Comparatively speaking, I am not engaged in anything too radical. Except that when you are dealing with God, things can take on a whole new dimension......
So the gist of my prayers, among other things, is that He can just take over. "Jesus Take the Wheel" so to speak, except without the other hokey country lyrics! Have at it God! You can be the boss of me, as my kids used to say when they were young. If You show me what You want me to do, then I will do it. I promise. But You better make it REALLY clear, because after years of doing my own thing, I might be a little out of practice hearing You. And that's where it has gotten interesting.....
So when you pray for the opportunity to serve God and to be obedient, guess what- He shows up and gives you something big to do, but then nothing else. No advice. No road map. No nothing. Just this : "You do it". Okay.....so I get that you want me to do something about this situation I have been praying about but seriously- I can't figure this one out on my own. It's too big! Here's where I have to resist the temptation to whine a bit......
So for the next few days I kept thinking and praying and wondering where this was all going to end up. Still no road map. Finally what I figure out was that I'm not supposed to have the plan. That all I had to do is take the first few steps in faith. That I could then wait to see how and where He would show up to get things done. Because He totally will. He's not asking me to do anything that He won't work out. All I had to do was take a few steps.....
So I did that. I'm not saying there haven't been road blocks and dead ends. But what I have learned from this is that overcoming those obstacles will bring even more glory to His name when the final hurdle is cleared. And it will be. Things are working out. There have been lots of phone calls, lots of culling through information about various potential solutions. I have found someone to partner with who also cares deeply about this situation. I have reached out, and shared, and involved people from my church both clergy and laity for help. People are responding. They want to help. They are giving so that a family in need will have a desperate need met. No one has turned away. The generosity of a few people has been overwhelming.....To God be the glory.....
The other thing that God has asked me to do I have been less obedient about. Did I mention there were two things? Maybe I should say two things so far..... However, that landed squarely back on my plate too, when a friend said to me very directly and in no uncertain terms "You know. You absolutely know that God is calling you to teach". Not maybe you should think about this, Melissa. Not have you considered this. Just "you know". Crap! Yes, I kind of do know and I have considered it in a half hearted way. I even raised the question myself. Kind of. In a non-committal sort of way.....This one is even harder than the bigger task above because it involves taking a big personal risk. Who am I to teach anyone anything? Like I have any answers! Mostly what I have are tough questions and the unflinching ability to ask them. The other quality I possess is the ability to endure discomfort in the quest for spiritual growth. I like being challenged. I prefer the truth, thank you. No need to sugar coat anything for me. I can take it. Maybe that is all I need to lead a small group study. I will have to trust God to lead the right people into such a group, because it could be a disaster otherwise! Not everyone likes tough questions and sticky issues. I get that. Maybe there will be a class disclaimer: "If you just want a little feel good Christianity this is not the class for you" That's fair, right? A little truth in advertising.....We'll see.....
I'm just saying- one thing at a time God, one thing at a time. Promise I'll get to it all at some point.....I'm still a work in progress. You are the Potter. I am just the clay. The vessel isn't complete yet. But it is sort of fun to think about what the finished product might look like.....Shalom!
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