I have the great good fortune of having the most amazing circle of friends. Some of my friendships stretch all the way back to childhood- my BFF, Wendy for example. Some of my friendships are fairly recent, but they are just as significant in my life as the long standing ones. What I have discovered is that time alone does not determine the strength of my bond to another person. Nor can time or distance necessarily diminish it. The most significant thing to me is just exactly how much of his or her heart a person is willing to share- how much of who they really are and are willing to let you see. This determines how deep a friendship I will form with someone. It takes a special kind of trust for people to be able to show their true selves to another person. It must be safe to do so. You must know that you will be loved no matter what- that it is okay to drop the "public mask" and be yourself without fear of judgement or loss of good opinion. Because in the end we are all imperfect in one way or another. Many of us, in lots of ways!
I have referred to friendship as the sweetest gift of all. Some will no doubt question this. What about family, you might ask? I would never discount the importance of family. Clearly one's family is a special blessing from God. However- families we do not choose. These are given to us by God. By and large we cannot change them. Nothing can ever really dissolve this bond. We can choose to walk away from our families, ignore them, cut all ties with them, but that doesn't change the fact that they will always be our family. The bond of flesh and blood is not removable. Friends, on the other hand, are not bound by this obligation. They are not tied irrevocably to us. They are free to walk out at any time. They have free will. Just as we all have free will when it comes to our friendship with God. We are free to love Him or not. The choice is ours. No coercion ever occurs.
Jesus spent his entire ministry among his closest friends. He had a family. On occasion they even traipsed around Galilee looking for him. What was his response? He reminded them that his "family" was anyone who did his Father's will. Jesus lived and died among his friends. After his resurrection, it was to these friends that he appeared. I think this shows the special place of favor that friendship occupies in God's holy kingdom.
The strongest, truest, deepest friendships I have ever formed are with those whom I share a common faith. One special friend of mine calls these "sacred friendships". I love this description. Everyone needs sacred friends. A sacred friend shares their soul with you as well as their heart. They lift you up in times of sorrow. They share your joy in times of triumph. They hold you accountable when they see you wander off track. They forgive you when you are less than perfect. They love you not only for who you are, but also for who they see God making you to be. Ultimately- they see you as God sees you. And this is why your bond with such friends is so powerful.
Of course, such friendships are rare and precious. Most of what passes for friendship on our popular culture looks nothing like what I have described above. But such friendships do exist. I have the good fortune to have a handful of such friends. Even just one is a holy gift. If you are lucky enough to have more than one, your cup truly runneth over!
So if you don't have such a friend in your life, how do you go about finding one? Well- it takes some effort, but it is well worth it. I am very intentional about this. If I meet someone whose heart speaks to mine, I work very hard to cultivate a friendship with that person. I reach out. I offer my time, my help, encouragement, and kindness. I give of myself. Most often I find that when you love someone sincerely and see them through God's eyes, they cannot help but respond to this degree of unconditional love. It is irresistible. Because this is the model of how Christ taught us to love one and other. There is truly no greater gift in this life..... Shalom!
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