Shattered crystal

Lately I have been feeling a bit fragile. It's almost as if my heart is a fragile crystal tear drop, constantly under the threat of being dropped and shattered. I have several theories as to why this is, but they seem less important than acknowledging just what is at the moment.

I remember when I was a child, we had one of those beautiful chandeliers in our home with lots of tear drop shaped hanging crystals. A few times a year my mom would remove all the crystals for cleaning. Without realizing it, over time, dust would accumulate on the crystals, dulling the brilliance of the light they reflected. You didn't really notice it that much until you saw how much more light was reflected by the clean crystals once they were rehung.

Sometimes I think our hearts are like this. Without us even realizing it, their radiance becomes dulled by the grime and dust of everyday living. We become so locked in step with the drone of our existence that we no longer feel awe. We don't notice beauty. We fail to be heartbroken by the same things that break God's heart. In essence- we fail to reflect the radiance of our Creator. We need a thorough cleaning. Sometimes we become perceptive enough regarding our need for this that we seek God and ask for His help to create in us a new heart. At other times this process may happen as a result of some kind of trauma that strips us bare and exposes us to the light.

Regardless of how it happens, you will soon notice a few things about your newly made radiant again heart. For one thing, while you will reflect more light, you will also be more sensitive to the lack of it. Everything feels more exposed, more raw and painful. You begin to feel as if you could be easily shattered. The cares, the sorrows, the heartaches of others will weigh on you like a lead weight. Which makes sense really, since crystal and lead are closely related- lead being used in the process of making crystal.

So as my heart has been created anew, I now begin to feel more strongly than ever that I am on the verge of shattering. And while his seems a fearful process, I somehow know at some core level that shattered glass reflects even more light. The shards will be a million tiny pieces casting light in every direction. "In brokenness comes beauty, divine fragility". Sound familiar? Shalom!