Today is a day of crippling sorrow. Today is one of those bitter days from which we will later be reminded of the sweetness of life when we see it once again. Because we have tasted the bitter, we recognize the sweet. All lives are made up of both. There is a season for all things as it says in Ecclastices. Though we resist the pain and attempt to push it away, ultimately we must yield unto it. The only way around is through. Praise His Holy name, for the promise that He will walk along side us in the valley of the shadow.....
Death, loss, change and strife- all have paid me a visit in the last 72 hours. Death- when is strikes out of the blue and carries off someone you just saw a minute, a day, a week ago is particularly hard to fathom. You are left with the sense that someone has pulled the rug out from under you. How is it possible that a healthy, vibrant life is snatched away in an instant? We mourn for a life left unfinished- or so it seems to us.......
On the other hand, the other way isn't necessarily any easier. My best friend has stage IV cancer and she has had a slow inexorable progression towards the inevitable surrender of her life. I have listened to her speak about arranging her own funeral, picking out her own casket, and talk about where she will be buried. Not a conversation you should be having with someone who just turned 50 a few months ago. This impending loss became very real to me in the past day or so as I spent some time visiting her and seeing the changes which have occurred since the last time we were together. This is a slow death by degrees.
Change and strife. My other two nemeses have reared their ugly heads. I don't like conflict. I like it even less in my church which I believe to be my sanctuary, my oasis, my port in the storm. When things start swirling out of control and gossiping tongues start wagging I get upset. Somehow it is harder to take from Christian people. I have a higher expectation of people who call themselves followers of Christ. Are we not supposed to solve our conflicts with love and understanding? Why does every contentious issue have to turn into a head hunt?
And finally change. This is a big one for me. I don't like anything that takes people whom I love out of my life. And there have been lots of such losses recently. They have sort of piled up in a cumulative effect. I have a tendency to collect people like charms on a bracelet. They are all valuable, important, and beloved to me. When changes occur that remove them from their role in my life I usually don't take it well. That may be sort of an understatement. Tearful meltdown is a more apt description....
So- all of the above- sudden unexpected death, slow impending death march, conflict and dissention, and change of the undesired kind, have met at an intersection in my life all at the same time. The result is a powerful sense of sorrow. This is the bitter part. As I sit here tempted to feel sorry for myself I am reminded that God never promised us an easy journey- just that He would be along for every step of it. Pasture maker- hold on to my hand. Walk beside me. Comfort me with Thy rod and Thy staff. Some days on earth are just too full of sorrow to be borne alone......Shalom!
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